Just found this helpful site that gives good step-by-step advice on learning to ride a bike: http://www.ibike.org/education/teaching-kids.htm
Not that any adults reading this are in the same predicament as am I, but perhaps this will help any parents out there who are in the process of teaching their kid/s how to break free from the shackles of training wheels. Basically, you need a gentle, grassy slope, a bike, and a helmet. Tell your child to coast without peddling. After coasting feels comfortable, add peddling. Then try it on a flat, grassy surface. Bring band-aids and hugs.
The shackles
I actually used this method the last time I attempted to get on a bike, but that was 3 years ago and my bike, Murtle, weighed ten metric tons. It was less than ideal. Perhaps my seven-year-old and I will hit the gentle slope together, then break for ice cream.
12resolutions 
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